Bitch, you don’t have OCD.

By this point most of you already know that I have Tourette’s, either from reading my post which can be found here, or just from hanging out with me and watching me convulse like a goddamn epileptic.  But what is less obvious is the fact that I also have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which is a comorbid condition (meaning it’s often a co-occurring diagnosis with Tourette’s).  It’s standard to hear people define their common behaviors as OCD.  Here are some typical things you’d hear from someone describing their “OCD”:

“OMG I WENT TO THE GYM TODAY AND RAN 2.8 MILES SO I RAN A LITTLE MORE JUST SO I COULD HIT THREE MILES!!! LOLLLLLLLLL.”

“I ARRANGE MY CLOTHES IN MY CLOSET BY COLOR, WOW I’M SO OCD LOLLLLLLLLL.”

“MY DESK AT WORK IS SO CLEAN AND NEAT! I KNOW WHERE EVERYTHING IS OMFG I’M SO OCD LOLLLLLLLLL.”

First of all:

Fuck You

Are you really that much of an ignorant shitbag that you’re confusing being neat and orderly with obsessions and compulsions?  Let me edify you on what compulsions and obsessions really are.  I want to go ahead and say now that I recognize these aren’t the most severe out there by any means, but here are a few of mine:

  • Before I leave my house every morning, I have to touch every single knob of my stove AT LEAST twice (often it’s four or five times).  I’ve spent as long as 15 minutes doing this until I was satisfied.
  • When I’m walking anywhere, I constantly have to look behind me every few seconds to make sure I haven’t dropped anything (it doesn’t matter if I haven’t taken anything out of my pockets in 2 hours, I’m still gonna fucking look).
  • If by some rare chance I look behind me and it turns out I actually did drop something, this triggers my Tourette’s like crazy and I start yelping like a dog that just got stepped on and I do a variation of bunny hops in between screaming.
  • If I’m really anxious about something, I’ll often repeat the things that I hear, but in a low and muffled speech so that no one can understand what I’m saying.  It makes me feel like a retarded parrot.
  • I have this habit that I have to do before, during, and after work.  I remove all of my clothes and slather on a bunch of Crisco oil on my Chinese cawk and start working that shit in a slow lather until I feel an explosion and I’m seeing stars.  Fuck you.

These are just a few of many fucking tics and compulsions that I have.  I just wanted to highlight the difference between real compulsions and fake ass wanna be compulsions.  KNOW THE DIFFERENCE, otherwise the next time you walk around talking about how you’re OCD I’m gonna be like

Angry Asian

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